In an article on Kinsey Confidential blog Kristen Jozkowsky asks if women can ever really say “yes” to sex. I’d like to believe that by now we can, but unfortunately women who say yes, who actively take the initiative to have sex and have lots of it, are still very often being called a slut, promiscuous or a nymphomaniac. There are no such words for men… Ever thought about that?
By reading the article, Abby Lee/Zoe Margolis, the author of the sex blog Girl with a One Track Mind and the book that goes by the same name, comes to mind. As her identity was still unknown, she received lots of praise and even won “The Best British or Irish Blog Award” in 2007. After her real identity got revealed though, it had a huge negative affect on her personal life and she even lost her job in the film industry. Suddenly it was not so cool any more for a woman to fuck whoever and whenever she felt like it and share her exciting experiences with the world. For men though, it is no problem to take initiative and fuck around. They don’t lose their job over it. So “…why is less more for women and more more for men? Is that fair to anyone?” Jozkomsky asks. It is not, but then there are lots of things (still) quite unfair when it comes to men and women.
So romantic… duh!
Why do women tell themselves it is “romantic” to wait with having sex, or that the sex will be better when you wait? Why should women wait with having sex until after the 3rd, 4th or x-th date – or even until after marriage? Why are women so afraid men won’t respect them when they sleep with them on the first date or have a one night stand?
A woman not much younger than I am told me that when she had lost her virginity in her early teens, her father said to her: “You are now dissipated”, like no one will have her any more. Even now, whenever she feels like saying yes to man, a little voice inside her tells her not to do so because it is shameful, who knows whom he might tell and what people will think of her. Parents may mean well, but what do they say again about meaning well? Exactly.
Parents should say “I hope it was great – and that you’ve used a condom” in stead of repeating what their parents have said to them or forwarding their own frustations to their children. It is really not that difficult to simply be happy for someone.
His answer: “With pleasure!” ;)
Do men honestly think you are a slut for having consented sex with them, for picking them up in a bar and have a one night stand, for taking initiative? If that would be the case, it would be quite hypocrit to take advantage of us horny girls.
In my opinion men in general find it cool when a woman knows what she wants and goes for it. But there are also some who seem to have a problem with it. Maybe because they want to hunt and conquer, not the other way around, a friend suggested. It confuses them, makes them feel like losers, so they punish women by calling them sluts. These men probably also feel women should not work, stay at home with the kids and clean the house. I’d say we should put these men on our ignore list.
“I pick you!”
I believe men need to get used to being seen as sexually desirable subjects by women. Once they embrace this fact, they do not have to feel confused about the tables being turned. In fact, they can and should feel incredibly proud that without having to use any silly seduction line or persuasion trick, just by simply being at the right place at the right time, by spreading the right pheromones, looking attractive and having charisma, he is being picked by a woman because she wants him. Guys, doesn’t this sound absolutely wonderful?
But how about institutions like the church? How about society?
Sir Anthony Hopkins has the answer:
“My philosophy is: it is none of my business what people say of me and think of me, I am what I am and I do what I do, I expect nothing and accept everything and it makes life so much easier.” … and a lot more fun I may add!