NMHW Tumblr is there!

It has come to my attention that some of my readers would like to see some more explicit imagery than WordPress approves of. So as of today there is a NMHW Tumblr. Yeah! :)

But… there I only post stuff I like. This could mean that some images are not that explicit at all, others may very well be. Some you may have seen here on the blog before. Just so you know and no one is getting disappointed :) Have fun!

Things His Dick Does :)

Thanks to the lovely lady of Lvstprinzip (principle of lust) I found this super fun 18+ tumblr called Things My Dick Does.

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Sexy and funny!

I’ve always wondered what my dick does in the times he is up before I am. He must get so bored waiting for me to wake up. Happens EVERY day. Poor little guy :\ Feel free to say hello to the little guy via inbox message. Oh and NSFW 18+ only. Or whatever the laws are wherever you are in the world :D”

thingsmydickdoes_2

Sleep tight, cute dick :)

If You Take The Pink Pill… NMHW’s View On Viagra For Women

pleaseWHEN SHE SAYS NO
Let’s say I am Morpheus. I hold both hands in front of you. In one hand I have a pink pill – Viagra for women. In the other one a piece of paper with the link to this article.

If you take the pink pill, nothing much will happen. There might be a placebo effect because you so much want to believe the pill will help you feel lustful again. It is more likely  you will only experience some unpleasant side effects such as dizzyness, drowsiness, fainting and low blood pressure, even more so when you take a birth control pill and/or drink alcohol.

If you take the piece of paper with the link to this article and read it, you most likely won’t get horny either. But you may start to be honest with yourself, see and accept the reasons why you don’t want to have sex and find a real solution to the problem. You might also realize that Viagra for women is only a means for a bunch of people to earn lots and lots of money. They don’t care about you being horny or not. 

1507-35FDA APPROVES PINK PILL… AFTER TWO REJECTS
Recently the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved a drug to boost the libido of women called Addyi (the medicine is called Flibanserin), or as we all call it: Viagra for women. It will come on the market in October of this year and is meant for premenopausal women who suffer from the new trend disorder – as I call it – Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) or sudden and unexplained loss of libido.

According to one of my sources the drug had been disapproved twice before, but thanks to a strong marketing push and advocacy campaign from women’s groups the FDA complied. Still, the effect of Addyi is disputed. Eventhough this pink pill has to be taken on a daily basis (Viagra for men is only taken once before wanting to have intercourse…), it does not guarentee the desired result. Originally Flibanserin was an antidepressant. It reduces the lust inhibiting hormone serotonin and hoists the happy hormone dopamine and the hormone resonsible for getting aroused, noradrenaline. Both can boost the female libido, it is not set in stone. Apart from the side effects mentioned above women can fall into a depression as soon as they discontinue the drug. All in all, the pretty pink pill does not sound that great, or?

eacc26fe06a20ff9c776d8dc205061f9HYPOACTIVE SEXUAL DESIRE DISORDER
Let’s have a closer look at this disorder called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, also called Inhibited Sexual Desire (ISD):

HSDD/ISD is considered a sexual dysfunction and is characterized as a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activities as judged by a clinician. For this to be regarded as a disorder, it must cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulties and not be better accounted for by another mental disorder, a drug (legal or illegal), or some other medical condition. A person with ISD will not start, or respond to their partner’s desire for sexual activity. Other terms used to describe the phenomenon include sexual aversion and sexual apathy.” ~ Wikipedia

In the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) the disorder got split into male hypoactive sexual desire disorder and female sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSAD. I focus on the female version.

The diagnostic criteria for FSAD including a minimum of three are:

  1. Little interest in sex
  2. Few thoughts related to sex
  3. Decreased start and rejecting of sex
  4. Little pleasure during sex most of the time
  5. Deceased interest in sex even when exposed to erotic stimuli
  6. Little genital sensations during sex most of the time

You can read more about this disorder, its causes and the critism here.

quote-do-what-you-will-this-world-s-a-fiction-and-is-made-up-of-contradiction-william-blake-18847CONTRA(IN)DIC(A)TIONS
Now you might want to know about the contraindications for Viagra for women:

The cause of lack of libido is not psychological, physiological, ascribed to relationship problems or the use of other medication and/or drugs.

This is very interesting, because HSDD/ISD/FSAD is a mental = psychological disorder and the causes are either based on social factors (impact of childhood, experiences during adolescence, sexual abuse during childhood or adolescence, relationship problems, oversexualized society,…) or individual factors (stress, gender identity, sexual believes, religious conviction, depression, health, taking contraceptive pill, low selfesteem, not being in love, etc., etc.).
Physiological factors for FSAD supposedly are not so clear, although “there might be an impairment in the arousal phase among diabetic women. Given that diabetic women show a significant variability in their response to this medical disorder, it is not surprising that the disease’s influence on arousal is also highly variable. In fact, the lack of a clear association between medical disorders and sexual functioning suggests that psychological factors play a significant part in the impact of these disorders on sexual functioning.” ~ Wikipedia

So female Viagra is meant for women suffering from HSDD, but the causes of this disorder are all contraindications! 

happy_pillsSEX SELLS – NO SEX SELLS EVEN BETTER
Critics – me included – say this “disorder” has only been invented by pharmaceutical companies to make money, for there is the potential to make lots of it. Many women suffer from loss of libido: numbers may vary between 40 and 50% of the female population in North America! In our society, where sex is being made into such a big deal, not being in the mood is a huge problem. There has to be a solution and it has to be easy. Since the easiest solution is taking a pill with a sip of water, not feeling lustful has to be made into a disorder. Of course pharmaceutical companies are happy to oblige and of course doctors being sponsered by these companies are happy to diagnose and prescribe.

Since there has been Viagra for men women demand a similar product. But dear ladies, please understand that the blue pill for men is meant for erectyle disorders that have physiological causes. It’s for men who are horny, who have sex drive and want to have sex but can’t get it up and/or keep it up. If a man is not horny, not in the mood and/or under stress, he can take all the Viagra he wants and will not get horny. It is not the same thing, therefore Viagra for men and Viagra for women just can’t be compaired. Still, who cares when there is money to be made.

ee7464dc3e851ac90889344a94f3511ecd19f28786a64a4ac1d1f7f14113b6e6There are other products on the market that are supposed to help both men and women feeling more lustful, mostly herbal supplements with maca root powder and yarrow. I have some experience with these quite expensive products myself and I tell you, they don’t work. I have been taking maca capsules for months. The only change I have noticed is that I am more moist in general. My mood has not changed and that is logical, because the situation I am in, the things that are bothering and annoying me in my life have not changed. No pill can make me feel sexy, happy with my body, not worry about my job situation, not be annoyed with my husband working so much and hardly doing anything at home, not struggle with motherhood, etc., etc.

This brings me to another thing: when you look at the diagnosis HSDD you will see that there is no definition on what “sex” is and no differentiation between physical and emotional reactions to sexual stimuli. Does sex only mean sexual intercourse with another person or does it also include masturbation without a partner present? What if a woman’s body gets aroused but not her mind or vice versa? And how about people who are asexual? Is that a disorder now? These aspects are as far as I can tell not being considered but do make quite a difference as to if something is perceived as a disorder/problem or not. And: if a person does not want to have sex, for whatever reasons, who really has a problem? But again, who cares when billions of dollars can be made.

the-problem-is-not-the-problemSEX, LIES AND SOLUTIONS
What is it that Dr House always says: “Every body lies“. Not only do we lie to each other, we are also great at lying to ourselves. When it comes to not wanting to have sex cq. having a low libido/sex drive, it is often difficult to look the truth in the eye. Why? Because it might have consequences we don’t like. We’d have to talk with one another about a topic not every one feels comfortable talking about. It might require us to work on the problem or to change the situation we are in. We might hurt someone’s feelings. But hey, that’s life.

It would be great if there’d be a pill that would turn us into happy, horny, nice people. I imagine our world would be such a wonderful, happy, lustful and peaceful place. But that pill does not exist. Even if such a pill could be developed, no one with power would ever allow it because I guess 7,363 billion happy, horny people could be a little hard to control.  We better forget about that and start being realistic. That means being honest with ourselves. That means asking ourselves all the hard questions. Don’t want to? Then watch this video over and over again. It’s certainly a lot safer than a pretty pink pill, costs you nothing and who knows, it might even work.

Reading material:
5 reasons to be sceptical
Viagra für Frauen: Brauchen wir das?
Will the ‘female Viagra’ really help women?

Information about Viagra for men on Wikipedia
Information about Viagra for women on Wikipedia

Hyperactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Female Sexual Arousal Disorder

 

It’s the journey, right? Right!

Every once in a while I get a message that moves me. The nice compliments are of course great too :) Here’s Kirk’s story:

CouchBnW1

Model: Kirk

“Hey Gabi Girl!

It is pretty amazing how lost I was in my long term dog-eat-dog corporate career and a marriage to a functional alcoholic. Fifteen plus years of providing for everyone, but not realizing my own wants and needs. I just could not put my desires to be a “real father” and to contribute to a more “functional” (rather than dysfunctional) family life. I thought maybe I had stayed in my first marriage too long and that I would never realize my dreams. I’ve had to overcome some serious verbal abuse about everything (you name it), including how I did in bed. At 50 years I was wondering… How did I get here? Well, I’m certainly not happy here… Granted, I have baggage too. I wanted to be happy, in love and have a family and not be subservient to someone else’s idea of what her husband should do.”

CouchBnW2

Model: Kirk

“Sounds bleak, eh? NOT! I never will forget my 50th birthday… Packed up my personal items and off I went to a funky little above the garage apartment. I then started thinking: was I really “not sexy” as my first wife informed me and bad in the sack? I surmised that there must be many things about the female libido that I do not know and needed to know. Feeling unattractive and unwanted, I searched for “Playgirl” to get more information and opinions from women and found your blog and kept on reading and learning. I read this great book “Because It Feels Good” by Debby Herbenick.”

“Your blog really helped open me back up to my sexuality providing mental medicine for my tattered soul. I stayed positive and kept moving forward. Speed dating was fun! Yoga was/is essential. I went back to my athletic roots and dropped 25 pounds. I then decided “What the hell” and did a “dudoir” shoot with this great woman photographer. It’s the journey right? I liberated my life and I never gave up.”

“That’s my story and I’m sticking with it! Thanks for all thoughts and ideas. What you are doing matters. You are a wonderful writer!”

Oh Brave New Sexy(less) World

Sometimes, on rainy days like today, I wonder where we are all going – sexually that is.

a-stuff-no-one-told-me-quotes-chicquero-porn-movies

Sometimes, on the rare occasion I feel lustful and am too lazy to think up a story in my mind to get me off, I do what many of us do: watch something naughty on the internet. It does the trick fast and effectively, like fast food. After this quick release my mind returns and starts pondering. I re-watch the video and I think my usual thought: man, this is so fucking boring. It’s the same repertoire, it’s mechanical and it’s fast. People speedfucking without any sign that any one of them is truthfully enjoying it. I know I can choose to watch something else, like feminist porn or the newest trend: slow porn. Feminist porn is not my cup of tea; most of the time it’s too lesbian or simply too distractive with all the artsy elements that are supposed to make us believe we are watching something “better” and female friendlier. Slow porn looks nice but does not have the same Mac Donalds effect that most of us are after, now does it?

“Garden of earthly delighty” by Hieronymus Bosch (1450 – 1516)

Generally I don’t mind that there is pornography, but I am starting to wonder if this abundance of and easy access to porn is doing our sexual development and (s)expectations any good. Our children grow up with it. They see pornography before having their first sexual experiences. Pornography molds and pressurises them before they can discover for and by themselves what they really like and what not. The sensation of the body changing during puberty, the curiosity of touching someone else’s skin, the anticipation of a kiss, being intimate with another person, all of that gets clouded by cock sucking, ass fucking, SM, gang bang and cumming on the face images. I am not saying these are unsual or wrong sexual practices, by all means. But I don’t think young people should have these images shoved up their throats. In our society people – especially young girls – grow up thinking it is more important to be sexy than congenial. The average teenage girl selfie is a good example, google some and you’ll understand what I mean. Young men need to have big dicks, be cool and everlasting fucking machines. The media makes sex extremely important and kills the fun of it at the same time.

Art by Terry Rodgers

Art by Terry Rodgers

But maybe we should feel more sorry for ourselves, the grown ups, the older generation. Those youngsters won’t know any better. We on the other hand seem sexually lost. We struggle with socially/religiously enforced ideals like monogamy, sexual fidelity and marriage for life which most of us can’t realize because it’s simply not how we function and it is not really making us happy – when we allow ourselves to admit it. We either live serial monogamy, trying to find one “true love” after another rather than looking for a companion with whom we can build a stable basis for a family, a life together, in which we do not claim one another and leave some space for the instinctive being in us that from time to time just wants to have sex with someone else. Or we have furtive affairs and sexual escapades to fulfil our secret (= basic, really) desires or escape our every day boring lives.

blas-gallego-06a

All of this we try to find on the internet, where we go through profiles with sexy selfies and judge the content before even having seen, smelled, heared, sensed these people in person, and end up being disappointed because most of the time the intellectual selection of a partner or hook up does not work for the animal in us. We struggle with the same media: how to look hot, the ten best sex positions, how to deep throat perfectly so that he asks you to marry him, multiple orgams, squirting, always being in the mood, have erections that last for hours, bisexuality as a trend (but not for men because that is gay!), sex toys, lust pills and creams that promise the world, etc. And what happenens: we buy the newest toys, lust pills and creams and are disappointed because we still don’t have ten orgasms, soak the sheets, get horny or keep an erection longer than 20 minutes. During real sexual encounters men can’t keep it up because women are not going hardcore on their dicks like the women do on youporn and vice versa: she does the whole repertoire like a good, sexy, horny girl should when all he wants is to be intimate with her, take their time and actuall feel something. We end up sitting in front of our PC’s again or staring on our mobiles watching porn and being bored, unhappy and frustrated after all.

1297927733438_2015197

I just find all of this… sad. I feel sad for myself “suffering” from lack of lust like so many women of my age do. But mostly I feel very sad for my daughter, who will grow up in this brave, new, sexy(less) world. I wonder what it would be like if there only would be a copy of the Kamasutra on our parents’ bookshelf again (I would add a book on biology, sexual anatomy and Treue ist auch keine Lösung, translate: fidelity is also no solution, by Lisa Fischbach and Holger Lendt, which I think EVERY ONE should read btw!). Maybe there’s a copy of a naughty magazine hidden under a mattress or in a drawer. Everything else would be found out by our natural sex driven selves again, like in the “old” days.

Am I getting old? Maybe. I do sound like it. But… there is some truth in it, or?

sexual_double_standards_cartoon

“O wonder!
How many godly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in’t.”

William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act V, Scene I, ll. 203–206

Women want photographs of male nudes that get their fantasies started

One of the models on this blog, Geoff, has sent me an article about what heterosexual women want from erotic male nude photography that is worth reading. It dates from 1995, but I think nothing has changed when it comes to what women like. Women enjoy photography of the male body, (erect) penis included, but they want to have the impression that the model’s lust is real. They want to look at the photo and get inspired to fantasize, have the sensation that his lust is there because of them.

Please read!

“Recently Cupido (a Norwegian erotic magazine) went on a campaign to make the magazine more
responsive to the tastes and appetites of its heterosexual women
readers. What did these women want from erotic photographs of men?
Discussions among the staff gave some insight about what these
particular women liked and disliked about various photographs, but
when it came to the public at large, Cupido staffers realized that
they knew very little about what the details of what women wanted.
They decided to take the direct approach: When in doubt, ask.

In late 1994, the magazine printed 17 sexy photos of men, taken by
male and female photographers from the U.S., Denmark, France, the
Netherlands, England, and Spain. Cupido asked its women readers to
pick their favorite photos, to comment on what made particular photos
sexy for them, even to editorialize on how the individual photos could
be better than they were. The basic question was: “What do you demand
from a good erotic photo of a man?”

“Cupido’s women are strict and demanding in their criteria,” publisher
Terje Gammelsrud says of the responses received from women aged 17 to
53, “but their judgment is surprisingly unanimous.” First and
foremost, he notes, the women say “the men should be turned on, thank
you very much! It is decisive that the women believe in the man’s
excitement and that they feel he enjoys being turned on.” Women want
“horny men with radiance and presence,” Terje proclaims. “Male pin-ups
who have nothing but a beautiful body to show off are considered a
turn-off. Not even an erect penis can save the situation if all he
does is give you the impression that he has no other thought in his
head than the model fee.”

“The man in the picture is more than allowed to fondle his own body or
masturbate,” Terje continues. As one woman respondent puts it, “I very
much like watching a man fondle himself, a man who has allowed himself
to enter the sexual room completely.” While “none of the women want
the man to be feminine, and some stress that they do not like photos
where he looks like a gay stereotype,” Terje notes with a smile that
women “do not at all mind homoerotic photos where two men are engaged
in sensual or sexual activities with each other — quite the
contrary!”

Interestingly, only a minority of the women mention the man’s body
itself as important in experiencing a photo as erotic. Many more were
concerned with the man’s face, his eyes, his emotional expression.
“The face is decisive for women to determine the man’s personality,”
Terje notes. Thus, one woman writes specifically that “the model
should express lust, have a dangerous gleam in his eyes, or be teasing
and vital, but there should always be a feeling of closeness and
tenderness.”

Women also like when the photos stimulate a sense of being a voyeur,
“the feeling that she risks being caught in the act of looking at
him.”

Of the women who did focus on the men’s bodies, most liked men who
were “muscular and well-equipped,” but they also wanted men who felt
“natural,” who looked like “an everyman.” As for significant body
parts, Terje laughs that “there is no doubt that women appreciate
looking at the male member. To many it is important that this is shown
in the photo. And there is an almost unanimous demand that if a penis
is shown at all, it should be erect!” For the record, “very few of the
women mention penis size at all.”

As to other parts of the model’s bodies, Terje says that “Cupido’s
poll does not permit the slightest doubt that his ass is a safe
bestseller! But his chest, as well as his stomach, thighs, neck, and
hands, can all turn women on.”

Terje believes that “women are often searching for photographs that
get their fantasies started, photos about which the women can ask,
‘Where is he going? Where has he been? Who is he? Where is he? What
will he do next?'”

All in all, says Terje, “our female readers demand photos of men who
are aroused by them (the female readers), and ready to seduce or be
seduced by them. Our readers will not be bluffed. They will not be
impressed by a man’s erection if he does not convince them, through
his facial expression and personality, that his passion is real and
sincere. We want photos of men bursting with heterosexual passion, if
we can put things that way.”

You can read the whole text here.

I agree with most of the article. Personally I find it important that there is something left for my imagination. If the guy on the picture already has a full erection and is masturbating, I find it kind of boring because I do not have to create a story in my head anymore as to how he got to that point, like by me for instance. I do not play a role in his lust. Therefore I prefer the male model to suggest he is in the mood or that I could seduce him, that he is excited but not fully erect yet, that his erection is covered by a sheet of his pants or that I can sense that he masturbating but I can’t directly see it. This way I can start wondering what is about to come, what he looks like, how he might feel when I touch him, how much harder his penis might get. That excites me!

Suggestion is more powerful for the imagination than complete revelation.

lecker