When I was still at home with my baby daughter and more or less going out of my mind with boredom, I started working a couple of hours per week for an Austrian dating site. I mostly answered e-mails of our customers, but I also had to check new profiles and recently uploaded photos of our members. I was amazed how many men rather posted a selfie of their penis (and/or their car…!) rather than their face. And it were mostly our female customers who reported those pics to customer support. I had to think of this job when I saw the following video earlier today. Pictures of different penises are being show to a couple of women. See how they react:
Dear men, I am sorry but it is true: most women are not particularly happy when you sms a picture of your penis, no matter in what state it is in. There are a couple of reasons:
1. The penis is still taboo
2. Women – in general – find other male bodyparts more erotic
3. Women are picky and suckers for detail – you may lose an opportunity…
I will get into these three explanations more thoroughly now.
1. The penis has not been freed of its taboos just yet
Even though I am working oh so hard to free the male body of its taboos – his penis included – especially the penis is still being seen as something disgusting, a bodypart that is more pornographic than the vulva and/or a necessary evil for the means of procreation only. No one will find it strange if a man says he loves looking at pussy. When a woman says she’s just crazy about penises and enjoys looking at them, it is considered weird or even abnormal. How many women nowadays don’t look at the penis when a man undresses or during sex? How many men find it strange c.q. are not used to when a woman does look closely at his body? Hmm?
2. Men and women find different things erotic
Of course there are enough women out there who do love looking at a penis – and who are also willing to say it out loud no matter what society thinks of them. Otherwise NMHW would not exist. But still, receiving a message from your love interest showing a close up of his penis is kind of in your face. It would be more erotic if it’s a picture of his hand going in his undies, or maybe just showing the base of the penis, playing with light and shadow, and leaving the rest up to our vivid imaginations. Most of us girls just tick differently than you guys… This could very well be because of my former point: women are not used to look so directly at penises, so they tend to not find them as erotic and sexy as men do the vulva.
3. But when we look, we look closely!
As you can see in the video, women may firstly react kind of shocked, but then we start looking. Really looking. Women have an eye for detail – and find those details important, very important. They like this, but not that. For instance, I have a reader who does not like circumsized penises. Some women prefer slender penises, others thick ones. Shaved, unshaved, erect, not erect, with piercing, without, cumshot, you name it. Now let’s imagine the following:
Mary – a fictional woman – is a member on a dating platform, looking for a boyfriend. She usually picks men who are blonde, with big blue eyes and broad shoulders. She likes a man who is funny, who can cook, who loves going the movies and travelling to France.
Let’s say you are a man on that particular platform and fit the profile. You chat a bit, she seems interested. Then, in stead of sending her a picture of your face, you standing in front of the Louvre or serving a home made Salade Nicoise to your beloved mother, you send her a selfie of your penis…
First she’s like: “What the hell?!” Then she starts looking closly. Oh noes! You are circumsized! Your penis is so thick! One ball is bigger than the other! It points a bit to the right! You trimmed your pubic hair! Details, details.
You won’t do that when she’d send you a close up of her pussy. You’d probably be quite “happy”. I am really sorry to say, but she does look at every single detail, absorbs them and assesses them.
Mary will then send you an annoyed message back, report you to customer support, blog your profile. She will not find out that you are the guy she’s been looking for all her life, that you willingly grow your pubic hair back for her, that you have a beautiful erection, that you know how to please a woman in ways she can’t even begin to imagine and can cook her favourite dish… Chance wasted.
So dear guys, unless a woman specifically asks for a close up picture of your penis, don’t send her one just like that, unexpected and out of the blue. And if she asks, ask her how she would like it. Try to fulfil her fantasy, tease her – like she might be willing to tease you…
For me this picture is extremely erotic… Mmm!