After the slightly tempestuous raging in my last two blog posts, I feel the need to compensate with something good and positive – with men and monsters.

As a teenager I was a passionate dreamer, both during the day and at night. My favourite dreams where about vampires. At first the dreams were mostly nightmares, heavily inspired by horror movies I had seen and the fears that those movies had woken up in me. Bus as I got older, the vampire became my object of desire. In exchange for some of my blood, the vampire would sexually pleasure me in ways I could not imagine. The deal was of course not to kill me – which made it even more exciting and oh so dangerous. Movies like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Interview With A Vampire fed these fantasies even more. And now we have True Blood… Mhh…

In the editorial of the 6th issue of Filament Magazine, The Myths and Monsters Special, Suraya Sidhu Singh explains why women are attracted to the dark creatures of the night:

“… Women like these powerful and dangerous creautures because they’re bad boys, and apparently, deep down that’s what we all want.”

Of course the reality of a bad boy is usually not as much fun as it may seem. But then:

“A sensible person doesn’t confuse fantasy and reality, and yet perhaps anything we see of hear can change us in ways we might not perceive.”

What has this great new issue to offer: first of all wonderful shoots of men visualizing our fantasies – I love the werewolf ladies shoot and needless to say the vampire! – and steamy stories to match. The smart reading is provided by teacher and freelance journalist Kate Townshend, who shares the why’s and hows of LARP (live-action role-play). Ruby Goldstein reveals shocking facts about sex education for children and teenage pregnancies and Megan Kerr writes about an illness that affects one out of ten women, Endometriosis. And there is more, much more.

Again another issue that needs to be waiting for you on your bedside table.

But beware when the clock strikes twelve…

The german translation of this guidebook for heterosexual relationships by Allan and Barbara Pease is lying next to me on my desk. I borrowed it from the shop, because this is one book I do not want to own. I refuse to actively sell it to any one either. Well, maybe I would to an extremely unfriendly customer…

The title already promisses nothing good, or? Now let me share some quotes with you, so you get a better impression of how men and women can finally be happy together, despite their huge differences.

Sidenote: since I am neither a native german or english speaker, my translations may not be perfect.

At the back of the cover it says:
“The biggest difference between the sexes concerns sex and love.”
Does it really?

Let’s open the book:
“Men think constantly of sex, women yearn for love – that’s the sober truth.”
Aha… Hmm, what is wrong with me…

What women want:
“Women want men with resources. And, very important: a woman feels attracted to men, who will share their resources with them and their children.”

According to research by Pollet and Nettle (they questioned 1534 chinese women who have a partner about their love life and income) the orgasm-rate increases when they have a partner with a good income. By climaxing regularly women signal sexual satisfaction. Because of that they hardly feel the need to look for sex with other men. That way they make their partner invest in them and the children.
It’s all simply biology.

The five most import things that women desire from men:
1. Love
2. Faithfulness
3. Friendliness
4. Reliabilty
5. Education and intelligence
Hmm, what is missing here… Sex maybe?

Love rule nr. 17 for men:
“When your partner’s cat has died, show that you are sorry and fake grief, even if you were the one setting the animal on fire and throwing it into the ventilater.”
I swear I did not make this up!

What men really want:  this chapter starts with a drawing of the ideal woman. You see a female body that only exists of breast – with an arrow and a note that you can put your beer on top – and everything underneath.
“For most men relationships have nothing romantic to it. They get into relationships because of what women have to offer.”

Men only want four things from women:
1. Sex
2. Vital services (cooking, cleaning, mothering, etc.)
3. Being loved and to come first
4. Time for himself without being disturbed

Love rule nr. 153 for women should not surprise you:
“What ever you have to say, say it during the commercial break.”

Love rule nr. 43 for women:
“On most of his questions a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ fully suffices”.

Want me to continue? Okay, one more quote.

Here the authors talk about men and telling lies. For instance, they sketch a situation where the man looks at another woman’s breasts and denies it.
“When it comes to sex men very much want to tell women the truth, but women can’t handle the truth.”

Eventhough men and women are so different, we do not have be a slave of our biology. Men do not have to follow their instinctive urge to have sex with many women. Women do not need to spend their life criticizing men for their lack of engagement in relationships. We can navigate our behaviour and change it by making conscious decisions.
Men should be more loving, helpful and friendly to women and bring them presents to show their love. Women should emphasize their loyalty, do not show too much skin and take care of their appearance if she wants to improve her worth.

Maybe I have missed the part where the authors explain that they are just kidding and that the reader should not take anything they write seriously. If I did, please let me know! Until then, just let me say this:

Of course we are different. Of course we can mutually annoy each other with ‘typical’ male or female behaviour. Of course it can be difficult to live together. But aren’t these differences also part of the attraction? And: don’t we maybe have a lot more in common than society, the media and so-called experts like us to think? Shouldn’t we look at what we have in common and build on that, in stead of focussing on stereotypical statements that date from pre-Freudian times?

Boy, am I going to be happy getting this book out of my apartment and bringing it back to the shelves. Hopefully it will remain there until the end of time.

At the erotic shop for women we do not only sell toys, oils and dessous. We also have books in our assortment. Most of them are how-to books with titles such as ‘How to become the perfect lover’ and ‘How to find Mr Perfect’, or erotic novels like ‘Beyond Innocence’ or ‘Fuck your Friends’. We don’t really have illustrated books, because there simply aren’t that many that make women drool. But just so you know: we at NMHW are working hard on solving this issue.

A few weeks ago the shop received a book delivery with some new titles – for us at least. What caught my eye: a small book called ‘Porn for Women‘. Not a book about women and pornography. No, a book with pictures. I eagerly open it and what do I see: dressed men looking sweet into the camera or doing typical female activities such as vacuum cleaning and cooking, accomanied by texts such as “You look stressed. Let me make you some tea and we can talk about it. Chamomile okay?” and “I don’t have to have a reason to bring you flowers.”

My heart skips a beat. My legs are shaking. Pearls of sweat run down my face. I am thinking: can I wait until I get home, or shall I take this book, a toy from the shop and have a ‘lunch’ break in the bathroom right now?

Okay. Seriously. Is this meant to be a joke? I guess so. I hope so. If so, I find the title misleading and quite stereotypical. Better would be: ‘What men can do to annoy women a little less – and make women love them a little more’.

This is what women expect when opening a book called ‘Porn for Women':

Here is a good example…

'Adam and Eve', by Artem Yankovsky

 

This is how all men should be waiting for their women to come home from work: naked and anxiously…

Because it is raining, we have a little extra something for you: two round jummies, mhh… ;)

People who say that size does not matter, lie. It is as simple as that.
Not because every penis should be ‘big’. Whatever ‘big’ may be.
Because size does matter… if it does not fit.

Whenever the opportunity is there, men compare penises with each other. They do it as kids, they do it as adults. It is something men can easily do, because the penis is out there for every one to see. It is not a hidden sex organ, like the vagina. Therefore, women cannot compare vagina’s. I guess that is also why the size of the vagina is not as big a theme as the size of a penis.

Just a little but important side note: I am not talking about the vulva, which is the name for the external female genital organs (outer and inner labia, clitoris, mons pubis). The vagina is the internal structure. Many people – including so-called experts on female sexuality – still don’t know the difference between the vulva and the vagina. It is sad, I know.

Anyway, the point is that women have different sized vagina’s, just as men have different sized cocks. Some vagina’s are so tight and ‘small’, that women have a hard time inserting a small tampon. Others are so ‘big’, that both women and their male sex partners sense little to nothing during sexual intercourse. A man may be the proud owner of a ‘big’ penis, but if he has found himself a woman with a small vagina, the size does matter – because intercourse can become a painful experience for both of them. Same goes for the vice versa. Good thing though that we have the ability to be creative when it comes to sex, for we have many body parts – and lots of toys at our disposal. There are more ways than one to please a woman you know. You only need your imagination ;)

Small or big, thin or thick, it is all about the match. And what is beautiful, or what is not, lies in the eye of the beholder:

Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,
Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye,
Not utter’d by base sale of chapmen’s tongues.

William Shakespeare’s “Love’s Labours Lost”, 1588

P.S: Last night I received some remarks on Facebook from male friends of mine about the penis comparision part in this article, saying that they “never asked other men to have a look at theirs”, and so forth. I believe that :) What I meant though, is that there are certain situations where I am pretty sure men do peek at their neighbour’s exemplar. For instance on the toilet (if it is one where men are peeing next to each other). Or under the shower after gymnastics or fitness. Or while watching an erotic movie, or looking at erotic photos. You cannot tell me that in those situations there is no comparion in the head going on… In fact, show me a woman who has never heard a man questioning the size of his cock.

Photo by Mariah Carle

On the weekend we received a message from a man called Martin, asking if Naked Men, Happy Women would be interested in posting some nude pictures of himself. He writes:

“I’ve been looking for a website like yours for while, from women, for women. I enjoy exposing myself for women and was wondering if you’re interested in nude pictures of me. I’ve attached one, and would be honored if you used it on your website. Obviously, I have a rather tiny penis, so I’m not sure if that fits with the theme of your website. If you like them though, I have more of them and I can send you a link to where you can find them online.”

Image by Mariah Carle

 

It is true that on most, or maybe even every photo on this blog, the men who show all have ‘regular’ to ‘bigger’ sized penises. It is not on purpose though. When we choose to post an image, we look at the whole body and the style of the photo, and not the size of the penis. Until now we’d never stumbled upon good photos of naked men with smaller cocks. Thanks to Martin though, we have a few goodies to share with you ladies! Enjoy!

Image by Mariah Carle

 

Something to think about:

What is regular?
What is big?
What is small?

Image by Mariah Carle

 

“Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.”

- David Hume’s Essays, Moral and Political, 1742

Want to see more of Martin? Check out his group.

Autumn has definitely come to town. The days are shorter, darker, cold and windy. It’s depressing, especially after the unusually short Summer we had here in Austria. But it is the way it is.
The best thing to do now, is to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie that makes one feel… warm inside ;)

I remember my parents having Body Heat (1981) on video. I also remember seeing some ‘alarming’ scenes. Alarming for a 8 or 9 years old of course. Because in the end, you really don’t see anything. Still, I felt safer peeking secretly through the spread fingers in front of my eyes. That’s how I recall the followng scene:

P.S.: it is not in English, but it is not about the spoken words. It is about the sexual tension between the characters.

This part of the movie has left an imprint in my mind of how the chemistry, the sexual heat between a man and a woman should be. The way William Hurt is looking at Kathleen Turner, the way he tries to get into her house, how he then walks up to her and takes her… Woah… sigh… That is so erotic. And he is not even naked…

“Hey girl, are you going to tie me up or what?”

Forgot to write down the source, sorry!

I do not check my Twitter account often enough. I should though. Today I stumbled unpon a Tweet by Erika Lust. It is naughty, but also quite funny. And even better: there are a couple of well-shaped male bodies to admire in action. Well, air action that is.

Unsurprisingly, these sexy contests originate from… yes, a Japanese TV show called Japanorama.
The trend is spreading though. Austria had it’s first Air Sex Championship in September 2009. The World Air Sex Championship is being held in America and has its kick off in October this year. Can you fake it?

A man, submitted to the passion of a woman.
She holds him in place.
He holds her in place.
He wants to be at her mercy.
Who is in control…

An exciting image!

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Warning: adult content

All people under the age of 18, or those of you who feel offended by seeing nudity and erotic images, are adviced to not view the content of this blog.

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"Lust is a lovely word and makes love so much more interesting."

~ Michael Faudet

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"I love the male body. It's better designed than the male mind."

- Andrea Newman

NMHW’s Short Erotic Story

the annals

QUOTE

"The male nude is not shown as frequently as the female nude, so the conditioning is not there for most women as it is for men."

- Vivienne Maricevic

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"Within cultural practice generally, a male's body is not anatomized nor is it ever made into an object of study in the same way as female bodies."

- Maxine Sheets-Johnstone

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