The german translation of this guidebook for heterosexual relationships by Allan and Barbara Pease is lying next to me on my desk. I borrowed it from the shop, because this is one book I do not want to own. I refuse to actively sell it to any one either. Well, maybe I would to an extremely unfriendly customer…
The title already promisses nothing good, or? Now let me share some quotes with you, so you get a better impression of how men and women can finally be happy together, despite their huge differences.
Sidenote: since I am neither a native german or english speaker, my translations may not be perfect.
At the back of the cover it says:
“The biggest difference between the sexes concerns sex and love.”
Does it really?
Let’s open the book:
“Men think constantly of sex, women yearn for love – that’s the sober truth.”
Aha… Hmm, what is wrong with me…
What women want:
“Women want men with resources. And, very important: a woman feels attracted to men, who will share their resources with them and their children.”
According to research by Pollet and Nettle (they questioned 1534 chinese women who have a partner about their love life and income) the orgasm-rate increases when they have a partner with a good income. By climaxing regularly women signal sexual satisfaction. Because of that they hardly feel the need to look for sex with other men. That way they make their partner invest in them and the children.
It’s all simply biology.
The five most import things that women desire from men:
5. Education and intelligence
Hmm, what is missing here… Sex maybe?
Love rule nr. 17 for men:
“When your partner’s cat has died, show that you are sorry and fake grief, even if you were the one setting the animal on fire and throwing it into the ventilater.”
I swear I did not make this up!
What men really want: this chapter starts with a drawing of the ideal woman. You see a female body that only exists of breast – with an arrow and a note that you can put your beer on top – and everything underneath.
“For most men relationships have nothing romantic to it. They get into relationships because of what women have to offer.”
Men only want four things from women:
2. Vital services (cooking, cleaning, mothering, etc.)
3. Being loved and to come first
4. Time for himself without being disturbed
Love rule nr. 153 for women should not surprise you:
“What ever you have to say, say it during the commercial break.”
Love rule nr. 43 for women:
“On most of his questions a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ fully suffices”.
Want me to continue? Okay, one more quote.
Here the authors talk about men and telling lies. For instance, they sketch a situation where the man looks at another woman’s breasts and denies it.
“When it comes to sex men very much want to tell women the truth, but women can’t handle the truth.”
Eventhough men and women are so different, we do not have be a slave of our biology. Men do not have to follow their instinctive urge to have sex with many women. Women do not need to spend their life criticizing men for their lack of engagement in relationships. We can navigate our behaviour and change it by making conscious decisions.
Men should be more loving, helpful and friendly to women and bring them presents to show their love. Women should emphasize their loyalty, do not show too much skin and take care of their appearance if she wants to improve her worth.
Maybe I have missed the part where the authors explain that they are just kidding and that the reader should not take anything they write seriously. If I did, please let me know! Until then, just let me say this:
Of course we are different. Of course we can mutually annoy each other with ‘typical’ male or female behaviour. Of course it can be difficult to live together. But aren’t these differences also part of the attraction? And: don’t we maybe have a lot more in common than society, the media and so-called experts like us to think? Shouldn’t we look at what we have in common and build on that, in stead of focussing on stereotypical statements that date from pre-Freudian times?
Boy, am I going to be happy getting this book out of my apartment and bringing it back to the shelves. Hopefully it will remain there until the end of time.