You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘sexuality’ category.
So please read “We need to talk about masculinity” and remember: “In the real world, not all men want to be “breadwinners”, just like not all men want to be violent, or to have power over women. What men do want, however, is to feel needed, and wanted, and useful, and loved.”
On NMHW we sure love men!
Dear readers and viewers,
Some time has passed by since I’ve written my last post. What has happened? Well, my daughter is 14 months old now and quite a handful of cuteness
And just a bit over one month ago my naked man and I got married. I did not really have the time to concern myself with other naked males, but I did think about this topic and where to go from where I’d left off.
NMHW was born in March 2008. At the time I was determined to get the naked male body as a subject of female desire as much into the spotlight as I possibly could. I did my research, I shared my thoughts, reviewed some books, movies and magazines and I posted as many beautiful male bodies I could get my hands on. Inspired by my experiences with the male customers of the erotic boutique I worked for, I also wrote about male sexuality related themes. The feedback on NMHW so far has been amazing, but sadly not amazing enough to continue.
When I started this project, I had already thought op some theories why the nude male is such a big deal: see my article The Search for Cock. But over time I realized there may be a bigger reason why male nude photography for women is not working: women are not men.
What is the main purpose of erotic nude photography (when it is not made to be art)? Exactly. It is masturbation material. Men can look at a picture of a naked woman – or just the essential body parts of a woman: breasts, ass, vulva – and get turned on in such a way that it is enough to make a masturbation session have a satisfactory ending. For me no photo of a naked man, no matter how erotic or good looking he is, has such an effect on me. To be honest, I do not know any woman who masturbates while looking at photos of male nudes. If there are women who do this, let me know! I do enjoy looking at nice photographs of naked men and if I particularly like one, of course I wonder what it would be like to touch that beautiful body. But that’s where the fantasy ends. Something vital, something that men do not really need, is missing: movement.
In order to imagine if a man is a good lover, I need to know how he moves. If I see an attractive man having sex with someone, I can imagine if he is good or bad at it. If I have the impression he is breathtakingly good, then the naked man starts to turn me on.
I think men do not need to see a naked woman move because they probably fantasize more about what they do to her than what she might do to them. A woman doesn’t necessarily have to do much for the man to have satisfying sex. Even if she would just lay in bed and let herself be taken, it would most likely be quite boring, but it would do. Vice versa though, it surely would not. When sex is perceived in its essence, the woman plays the passive part in the bedroom, the man the active. Receiving and giving. Stagnation and movement.
I assume this is the reason why women do not go crazy over male nude magazines, books or any other medium that shows male nude photography. Therefore the magazines, no matter how good they are, do not survive, illustrated books do not sell enough and no publisher is interested in publishing male nude photography for a female target group – unless you pay for them to print it and honestly, that says enough.
And there is the reason that all good things, even Naked Men, Happy Women, must come to an end. Funny enough, when I started writing this post, an exhibition about naked men opened in the Leopold Museum in Vienna. You can see some of the art work underneath this article. Not the best photos, but I was not allowed to use the flash . Although people who have seen the exhibition poster (the one with the three naked football players) hanging all over town were mostly ‘shocked’ or ‘disgusted’ by seeing completely naked men – people have been covering up the penises on the posters! – there were lots of people attending the exhibition while my husband and I were there…
Anyway, it seems people finally do start to realize the naked man needs more attention – and is worth more attention! The male body is beautiful, erotic and sensual and should not be hidden. I hope my blog has made a worthy contribution to break through and I thank all of you for your support, your compliments and your suggestions! A special thanks is for all the men who have taken the courage to mail me photographs of themselves that I was allowed to share here on Naked Men, Happy Women. Thumbs up, guys!
Thanks to a Facebook post by Anja Koschemann, the woman behind the exclusive dildo label SelfDelve, I discovered that there is a new erotic magazine by women for women on the German market: EDEN – pure erotic. I immediately checked out its website and being impressed by the looks of it ordered the first, brand new issue. Today my copy was already waiting for me in the mailbox, accompanied by a personal message from one of the two ladies behind EDEN. Even though I had planned to lie on the couch all day and do nothing other than being very, very pregnant and watch movies I’ve seen at least ten times already, I could not resist and switched on my PC to share my thoughts on this varied magazine.EDEN is a glossy, stylish looking magazine, obviously made with care and love. It is thick too, 110 pages to be exact, has lots of content and hardly any advertisement, making the price of €6,90 (excl. shipping costs) very reasonable. Unlike the German Feigenblatt Magazin, of which each issue is based on a single theme, EDEN offers articles dealing with the various aspects of eroticism in life for both couples and singles.
So how about the naked men in this magazine? Oh yes, they’re there, but discreet. With that I mean there are no penises to be seen. There is only one picture where you can see one – with some imagination that is, thanks to the water splashing against the model’s body. What you do get, are muscular male models, showing chest, belly, back, arm, behind. The photography by Rick Day is a bit too gay for my taste, but that’s of course a personal opinion. The black & white images by photographer Nena Jägersberger definitely appeal more to me.
For whom is this magazine? It is certainly not a magazine for women who enjoy a bit more of a naughty, pornographic content. It is also not the right magazine for women who additionally desire to read about topics other than sexuality and eroticism. EDEN, in my opinion, is meant for women who want to discover or re-discover eroticism in their lives. It is perfect when you are looking for tips on how to look erotic early in the morning – although EDEN does emphasize that men like the slightly confused, hair all messed up and not quite awake look – or how to spoil your partner to bits, but it also suits women who’d like to know more about sex toys, where to buy erotic literature and sex guides or book an all inclusive erotic holiday where everything is allowed. The articles have enough background and depth to not give you the feeling you are reading the Cosmopolitan, which makes EDEN quite a different magazine indeed.
Naked Men, Happy Women says ‘thumbs up!’ and is looking forward to the December issue. Continue the good work, Monika and Silvia!
For all the German speaking readers – and viewers – of NMHW: there is a brand new erotic magazine for women by women on the market called EDEN Magazin. I have ordered my copy of their first issue today. Supposedly it will be quite different compared to Feigenblatt Magazin. Well, I am definitely excited!
Yes, you’ve guessed right: I am pregnant. In fact, I am almost halfway through. It seems I won’t be bringing a naked man into this world, but we are not 100% sure yet and hope to find out on Wednesday if it’s really a girl or a boy. In any case it is a happy time for us. We can’t wait until it is August and we can hold our child in our arms…
After I had found out that I had a bun in the oven, I told one of my mail friends about it. He asked me if I – being in this condition – was still interested in naked men… A curious question I thought, because why wouldn’t I be? Then my partner suggested I should write something for men about pregnant women and sexuality in general. I did think it would be a good idea, but wanted to wait until I would be in the safe zone, so to speak. Now I believe the time is right to give some insight in a pregnant woman’s thoughts and desires, although obviously every woman experience this fascinating time in her life differently.
For me the first three months were not the time of my life. The pregnancy started with painful, sensitive breasts and continued with belly aches, tiredness and feeling constantly close to throwing up. One would think naked men and having sex were of least interest to me, but honestly it was quite the opposite. Eventhough my body did not seem willing, thoughts about sex popped up – a lot. Additionally, I had a strong desire to have orgasms.
During the first trimester the female body is undergoing both physical and hormonal changes. The breasts are getter bigger – which can make a woman feel quite sexy, I telll you – and the bloodcirculation in the vulva and vagina increases. The sensitivity that comes with it, makes that the breasts and vulva respond a lot quicker to stimulation. Reaching an orgasm in this state of the pregnany can be an extreme experience. The sensation lasts longer and feels more intense. Afterwards it is possible to feel the muscles in the lower belly area contract. This can feel less pleasurable, but it only lasts a few seconds. The reward is total relaxation and relief of pain afterwards.
The increased desire to have sex can be explained because of the emotional state of the woman. If it is a wanted pregnancy, she will be very happy and in love with her partner. No wonder she wants to be close to him! So dear men, be naked and available for her when she wants you to. Use this time to get even closer to her!
Wild and rough sex sessions should probably be avoided, but there is no need to be worried about losing the baby because of having (solo) sex, unless the doctor has adviced you to be careful. Ask your doctor to be sure. Other than that, keep in mind that when the woman feels good, the baby does too When she climaxes, the waves in her belly must be a pleasant sensation for the baby.
If your partner does not feel lustful and rejects sex, it is important to respect this and to not push her or nag about it. Remember, she is most likely feeling quite sick. But… don’t give up and use some alternative strategies. Get a good massage oil as a present and offer to give her belly, breasts and back a soft and slow massage before she goes to bed. This will not only make her feel relaxed, it might stimulate her into wanting more. Just see how she responds to your touch and go from there. If she still does not want to, though, respect her wishes and simply be there for her.
For most women, the second phase of the pregnancy is a good one. Feelings of sickness have disappeared and her energy levels are back to normal. The breasts, especially the nipples, are still very sensitive, but they do not hurt so much anymore. And of course, the belly starts to grow. After a few weeks she may start sensing some movements in her belly, which is a wonderful experience. All in all, she will most likely feel very feminine and joyous. The first trimester is always an insecure one, because during this time the risk of losing the embryo is at its highest. Knowing that she has made it through without any problems or complications, brings peace of mind in the second phase.
When it comes to her sexual desires, she will probably feel and behave like she did before the pregnancy. Some women will want more sex, others less. It can be that her sexual rhythm has changed. For instance, maybe she now wants you more during the day and not so much at night. If she has been quite active during the day, she’ll be too tired in the evening. Connect with her and her belly, be there for her, let her lead and don’t let any opportunity slip away
On an emotional level it is very important that the man is involved with the pregnancy. Accompany her to her doctor’s appointments, read her books about the pregnancy, ask about her needs and fantasize about the future. All this makes her feel even closer to you – and you to her and your baby!
I am not in the third trimester myself, but I can imagine it being a more difficult time than the second trimester. This is the time where the belly will really start to become massive. Her back will ache more due to the weight, so she will be less mobile and less flexible. Some women feel fat and sexually unattractive. In this case the man needs to convince her otherwise. Being a woman myself, I am aware this is a challenge to say the least. But try. If you find her less attractive due to the increase of weight, remember that she looks like that because she is lovingly carrying your baby. It goes with the package.
I have heard that during this period it is often the men who do not want to have sex. Not just or only because of the belly, but because of the baby. It can simply be the idea of the woman having a tiny human being inside her, or the fear that the baby might notice something during sex that can take away the man’s libido. There is not much I can say that may elliminate these thoughts. The baby certainly won’t be thinking anything bad about whatever it is its parents are doing. This is something the man needs to convince himself of. Like I have written before: if the woman is feeling good, so is the baby. Other than that, her having a human being inside her is the most natural thing in the world. There is no need to think anything strange about it.
What is interesting to know, is that at the end of the pregnancy lovemaking – with both partners climaxing – can induce labor. Both the female hormone oxytocin and the male hormone prostaglandin are responsible for this natural induction and come in very handy when the baby decides to arrive late. Read more here.
Another fascinating phenomena you might want to make yourself and your partner familiar with, is the ability of a woman to experience an orgasmic birth.
- The spoon position.
- The woman sitting on her hands and knees, having a pile of soft pillows supporting her belly, the man coming from behind.
I think it is important that women do not lose interest in sex during pregnancy. Sex is good for our physical and mental health, it helps relaxing, decreases feelings of discomfort and intensifies our relationship and the intimacy we share with our partner. Men should be sensitive to this. Talk to her, respect her wishes, explain yours and be lovingly creative
N.B.: the beautiful images that I have used for this article can be found on Albright Creative Imagery – Intimate Pregnancy.
Together with Feona Attwood and Martin Barker, Dr. Clarissa Smith, author of the book ‘One for the Girls! The pleasures and practises of reading women’s porn‘ and participant in the NMHW illustrated book project, is working on a research project about the every day use of pornography. The researchers aim to gather information about why people watch pornography, what it is exactly they like about it, what their thoughts are on the topic in general and how pornography fits into people’s sexual feelings, experiences and relationships.
In case you are a frequent or infrequent user of pornography and want to help with the research, please take some time to fill in the questionnaire. I did
N.B.: the information provided by you will be rendered entirely anonymous the moment you submit your responses, and you will not be able to be identified in any presentation or publication of this research. It will be impossible to trace your data back to you individually. In accordance with the UK Data Protection Act, this information may be retained indefinitely.
To get into the mood, I recommend a free short movie by producer Erika Lust, called Handcuffs. Just click on the link and enjoy…
I was actually looking for more interesting and especially smart articles about male nudity when I stumbled upon the following text by Jane A. Thomas: ‘Male Nudity Does Not Lead to Women’s Sexual Arousal’. You understand I had to read this. And huray, I got annoyed! Being annoyed means I can write a critical review and yes, I admit, I love writing critical reviews.
The title made me wonder when this article had come into being. I thought it had to be quite old, but it dates from 2009. Oh dear…
The following four quotes made me want to cry:
“Since women tend to be shocked by male nudity, especially genitals, they are censored in our society. Women admire men more for their status or achievements: in smart dress or uniform.”
Eureka! Now we know the reason why male nudity/the penis is censored in our society: because women are shocked by it! That explains why women like to grab it, play with it, feel it, caress it, taste it – and secretly wonder what it is like to have one themselves, well, for a day or two, not longer of course .
That women don’t like men because they are sexy, gorgeous and attractive, we’ve already known for decades. That’s why we all marry extremely rich, powerful men wearing uniforms.
“The film ‘The Wedding Date’ includes a scene where Dermot Mulroney is very relaxed about appearing naked in front of a woman (as if!). The woman’s horrified reaction to a man’s genitals not only indicates how female sexuality differs to male sexuality but also provides a clue as to why women’s sexual arousal is much more elusive with a partner.”
I have no clue what the author means with the end of the second sentence. This is also one of the reasons why this article is badly written. Not only is it stereotypical, insulting (especially towards men) and quite incoherent, the author states something without giving any thorough explanation. No wonder, since it is based on… on what?
“Men’s sexual arousal arises from looking at images of the naked body of a sexual partner, which explains the daily sales of pornographic magazines. Women, who have explored eroticism and learned about their own sexual arousal through female masturbation, will know that female sexual arousal arises more from the context of relationships and sexual scenarios (sexual fantasies) than from images of the male body.”
Again, I’d like to know on what information, or better yet what research this statement is based. Men do not fantasize? For men it is all about full-frontal nudity? They don’t enjoy more subtle fantasies? Women don’t get turned on by male nudity? Images of a naked men do not trigger the female imagination? Women are not producing magazines about male nudity and buying them? Sigh…
“Nudity causes men to think about sex even more than usual and they mistakenly assume that women have the same sexual motivations.”
When are people finally going to stop underlining the so-called sexual differences between men and women?! Just because we are meant to think there are, doesn’t mean it is true. For ages we have been taught that male nudity – expecially the penis – is dirty, ugly, pornographic, you name it. I am pretty sure that throughout history there has never been a group of women who decided that from that point on the male body and its genitals are disgusting and therefore shocking. It’s more likely we have a certain institution to thank for that.
Today, in our society, we are not used to male nudity in the way we are used to female nudity. That is the reason why there are still so many women who think male nudity and fantasizing about it is wrong. This idea is programmed in our minds with the goal to prevent women from becoming men- flesh-craving animals . It is also why men feel that male nudity is only meant for the gay community and/or feel awkward and ashamed about showing their awesome bodies and genitals. Consequently, it is also why there still is so little male nudity out there for women to enjoy and LOOK at.
“Like countless American children, I grew up hearing the nursery rhyme that claimed that little boys were made of “snips and snails and puppy-dog tails” while girls were “sugar and spice and everything nice.” Attached as I was as a small boy to our pet dachshund, I thought puppy-dog tails were a fine thing indeed, but the point of the rhyme wasn’t lost on me. Boys were dirty, girls were clean and pure.
We’re raised in a culture that both celebrates and pathologizes male “dirtiness.” On the one hand, boys were and are given license to be louder, rowdier, and aggressive. We’re expected to get our hands dirty, to rip our pants and get covered in stains. We enjoy a freedom to be dirty that even now, our sisters often do not. No mistake, that’s male privilege.”
This is the start of a very open and honest article by Hugy Schwyzer about how we in our society are taught to think that the male body is dirty compaired to the aesthetic and beautiful female body. I can only say this: please read this article!
A great article about pornography for women and the Dutch television channel Dusk, by Suraya Sidhu Singh:
“It’s recently come to worldwide attention that a television channel featuring only porn aimed at women – Dusk – is thriving in The Netherlands, and has been for three years. The channel features the work of prominent female porn directors such as Erika Lust and Jennifer Lyon Bell, and a range of other explicit adult films aimed at women.”
“The changing world of porn for women indicates that if women aren’t increasingly holding the purse strings and calling the shots ourselves, we’re at least starting to be involved far more in the design and production of that which targets us as consumers.”
P.S.: my country makes me proud!