You don’t need to be shy…
Today someone shared the following video on Facebook. Not only is it interesting and funny (I really wish human males had a hectolotylus penis like the paper nautilus has – we would get all the pleasure and no annoyances *wink* *wink* & *sticking my tongue out*), almost at the end Carin Bondar (is she hawt or what!) says a few things that could explain why the penis in general continues to be such a huge issue. This sentence is what I would like you to think about:
“So it seems that if you take away the penis power from the male (like in a matriarch society), you take away all the social power he has.”
Image men being treated the same way as women. Imagine male nudity being treated the way female nudity is being treated. The penis loses its special status, its power, and society is not patriarchal anymore. Men would lose all the social power they have. So no wonder men are being so anal about their penis. Or?
Remember what I wrote in 2009, The Search for Cock: “I sometimes catch myself thinking that by keeping their pants on, men subconsciously try to keep women under their thumb. It is a fact that women are not given equal chances, job positions or wages. We try to catch up though. Maybe that’s why men don’t show their sexy goodies, like they are saying: ‘you can get my job and maybe, someday, even receive the same payment for it, but you won’t get my cock.'”
There it is.
Lately I have been reading about thrusting techniques and how they increase female pleasure c.q. help women reaching an orgasm easier – or even make women orgasm multiple times. Actually, I started to investigate this topic after having seen the funny movie “The Inbetweeners – Sex on the beach”. There is a scene where one of the characters shows the one thrust technique that makes a girl come immediately, which is a joke of course – but wouldn’t it be awesome if it were that easy…!
It fascinates me because like 2/3 of all women I never had an orgasm just from thrusting c.q. without clitoral stimulation. It does not mean that it is not possible though. Women can train their pussies to have a “pure” vaginal orgasm or G-spot orgasm. It is also known that women usually start to really explore and know their vulva/vagina when they are around 35 or older – and find out that they can reach a vaginal orgasm. Why is that, you ask? I can only talk for myself but I believe it could be true for many other women. As I was a teenager and fantasizing about having sex with a man, I thought he would know how to give me a vaginal orgasm. In retrospect I can’t believe I had such an idiotic theorie, but I did. Maybe, if my first sex partner would have been a very experienced man, it could have happened. But my first boyfriend was a virgin too and not very interested in trying out new things or helping me getting to know myself sexually. As the years went by, I hoped maybe other men would know the secret. So far no one has. Don’t worry guys, it is not your fault!
Another aspect that is important to mention, is how society feels about masturbation. Nowadays it is not really such a huge taboo anymore, but when I was young it was not something one could talk about. Yes, boys did it because they are nasty pigs, but girls did not. Nooo… of course not. Because of this social conditioning masturbation was something dirty and secretive. This perception did not help a girl taking her time to find out all her orgasm possibilities. You’d find a way to do it that works and works quickly and to that method you stick.
As the media began discussing sex more openly – we all need to have crazy good sex and try everything, because the magazines say so! – the idea of trying a rabbit vibrator grew on me. The rabbit vibrator does everything: it vibrates, it has rotating little metal balls in the shaft that massage, the tip of the penis rotates and it has a part (usually rabbit- or dolphin-shaped) that vibrates and massages the clitoris. This type of vibrator is being promoted as the device that garantees an orgasm. Well, let me tell you, it does not. The most frustrating sexual experience I ever had was with this vibrator. It was way too much stimulation and it did nothing but leave me hanging on somewhere in the middle of my sexual desert.
After that I gave up. I decided to accept me being a clitoral orgasmer and that this is totally okay. This was in my early thirties.
Now let me please emphasize that it is totally okay! Ladies, you don’t need to have a vaginal orgasm. A vaginal orgasm is not per definition better/intenser/longer lasting than a clitoral one. For some women a vaginal orgasm is actually not pleasurable at all. And don’t forget that there are enough women who brag about it but actually never had one and fake it anyway. So again, don’t get frustrated or desperate about it. But do be curious about it, like me, and try to teach yourself how to do it – or find a man who is happy to experiment together with you. For possible it is. Underneath this article I will suggest some books that can help you on your way.
The following thrusting methods and techniques are for the happy-to-experiment-with us-men. I cannot tell you if it works or not, because I have just started to pick up the trail of sexual exploration again myself. So please, feel free to give me some feedback!
TEN THRUST TECHNIQUE
Most of the articles I have found all come down to the same method, the Ten Thrust Technique (TTT), which seems to have its origin in Taoism. I won’t get into that now, you can click on the link if you are interested in more background information about this Chinese philosophical, ethical and religous tradition. And no, I am not about to get all esoteric and tantric on you. Don’t worry :)
Most men thrust deep by pushing their penis in and out of the vagina, more or less in the same repetitive rythm, simply because that’s what feels good for them and makes them come easily. Just for the record: this does feel good for us girls too. But for most of us it is not enough to come. By thrusting this way it is hard to hit the G-spot and the clitoris usually does not get rubbed enough either. Also, if the man thrusts deep and fast, it is difficult to feel his movements intensely. Sorry I don’t know how else to put it, I hope the ladies who read this understand what I mean by that.
It is important to know that the clitoris is not just the little pleasure button above the vulva. It has two cavernous bodies left and right, that reach about 10 cm into the vagina and are connected to the G-spot. If the clitoris gets porperly stimluated, the G-spot gets stimulated and swells up as well. If you massage the clitoris and insert a finger or two in the vagina, you can feel this happening. If you or your girl does not know where her G-spot is, this is a very pleasurable and fun way to find it!
Another thing you need to know, is that most nerve ends are at the entrance of the vagina, making it her most pleasurable area. This means that deep thrusting (or a “large” penis for that matter!) is not obligatory for her to climax at all. So let’s get back to the TTT.
With this technique you do 9 shallow thrusts, only pushing your penis halfway or even less into her vagina. The 10th thrust you get all the way in – deep. You repeat this again and again during sex. And guys, that’s all there is to it!
The prefered sexual position I leave up to your imagination. It is supposed to work good in the missionary position, but also the spoon position is being recommended.
So why is this good for her: women like the element of surprise and anticipation. She will think: when is he going to push himself deep into me, and start to yearn for it. That’s what you want! Additionally you stimluate the entrance of the vagina more, which is very pleasurable for her.
There is a variation on the TTT that works like this:
You do 9 shallow thrusts, then 1 deep. Next you do 8 shallow thrusts, then 1 deep. After that 7 shallow thrusts, then 1 deep. And so forth, and so forth.
You can change your rythm, vary speed and try different variations for as long as you can handle it. This brings me to the big advantage of the TTT for him: The tip of the penis is the most sensitive part. By thrusting deep all the time the tip continuously gets stimulated by her vaginal walls, which makes it difficult not to ejaculate quickly/too soon. By making shallow thrusts, the tip of the penis does not get stimulated that intensely all the time. So dear men, here is a great way to train postponing your orgasm!
A second advantage is that this technique can help dealing with erection problems. When not getting a hard-on is not caused by a medical condition, it is very often because men are stressed and put too much pressure to perform on themselves. If you understand that you don’t need to be a deep, hard thrusting stud in bed, it may take away some of this pressure.
ELVIS THE PELVIS – THE SCREW
Yes, it is all in the hips. While you are deep inside her, it is important to make circular, spiral movements with your hips. Like this you rub the clitoris and massage the entrance of her vagina while “screwing” in the best possible way.
CAT – COITAL ALIGNMENT TECHNIQUE
Meow! The CAT is a variation on the missionary position where the man lies on top of the woman and moves his body more up. Instead of the penis pointing up, it has to point down as it is inside her so that the dorsal side of the penis is pressing against the clitoris.
Here you have it: three methods to help a woman reach orgasm during intercourse. You can combine all of them. And as you can see, the clitoris still plays a big if not crucial role in the whole vaginal/ G-spot orgasm story. Go now and explore!
Oh, last but not least: sweet girls, don’t make someone else responsible for your orgasm. You are. If you don’t know how to have one, he certainly won’t. Not even if he is called Casanova.
Articles/books/videos for him:
Articles/books/videos for her: